Tis the Season

Holy shiznit. It is the holiday season, and it is in full force. Which means I am going through my yearly cycle of hating the world. Christmas is capitalist pigs taking advantage of the everyday consumer at its finest. Sorry if that came across a little to pinko. It makes me sick. Every Christmas catalog that comes out is pretty much going to say, "Hey, you're laid off, losing money in the market, don't know if you can provide for your family or heat your home this winter, so buy some more iShit you dumb fuck."

Everyday, I will get home, and see nothing more at the end of my driveway but an overstuffed mail box filled with the same catalogs from L.L Bean. The ones that say you can get a pair of slippers, that will never leak when you go outside and snow shoe in them, for just sixty bucks. Friggan' amazing slippers!

Now I'm not saying don't buy the bad ass slippers for that special someone in your life. I'm just saying if you can't afford to do it without taking a second mortgage out on your home, don't do it. Some people just ain't smart when it comes to buying in the holiday season, and this is going to be one of those years where people go over the top when they have already lost all of their money, and once again the big corporations are gonna' get the final laugh.

Another thing that pisses me off about Christmas is easily the music. I was working the other day, and the kitchen crew had TOS on, which is supposed to be "Maine's Mountain of Pure Rock." You know what they were playing? Jingle Bell Rock. Jingle Bell Rock. Jingle Bell Rock. What the hell? It's November. Turkey day hasn't even come yet, and that's the only holiday I like. Christmas music is what makes me want to break thermometers into my open wounds.

And the famed Black Friday. When people are willing to kill to get to the last Tickle-Me Elmo. You know that scene in Anchorman, where all the news crews fight in the alley? That is pretty much what happens on the inside of every Wal-Mart in this country, the Friday after every Thanksgiving. Replace the news crews with families, and Brick is the one kid who plays with dolls and his dad is ashamed of.

What a wonderful time of the year? Ohh, I love it.